I know I’ve explained this elsewhere already, but out of obligation to “set things straight” and to “protect my work from censorship,” I am called here right now to “make things clear” as the artist of a work “I’ve already completed.” The R word, or “Rape,” as I see it (the word), & have used it, is not limited to one kind but is (the word) multi-faceted & capable of describing something terrible, the worst, an external forced onto the individual. To be clear, and I really hate to be doing this, but I’ve offended at least one, and been probed already with electrified cattle prods so here it goes, “to be clear” I will speak in third person: the artist first use of the word comes within 44v1:Universi, where he quotes Layne Staley from the track Nutshell,
My gift of self is raped, my privacy is raked.
& yet I find repeating in my head
If I can’t be my own,
I’d feel better dead.
Here, inspired, the artist sees a heroic artist describing the same feeling he feels, the feeling he feels society has forced him to feel, and the word used is rape. C. S. Lewis, “Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” So here, right in this moment, the artist became okay with & accepted rape as THE descriptor for a very specific situation, what he feels & knows to be what he’s felt & known for some time just without the way to describe it. And yes, Layne may have been talking about Heroin, but we are expanding here. Expansion is my job and purpose.
Rape also describes the artist’s bout with psychiatrists and 6 years going by with dozens of experimental drugs being forced into his mouth again and again and again and again. Thousands of pills, thousands of times, forced into his mouth again & again and with fucking awful consequences that ruined lives, ruined minds, ruined spirit, almost killed a man and have killed many more, FROM SUICIDE. The event being SO AWFUL & PROLONGED OVER MANY YEARS, people KILL THEMSELVES OVER IT. JUST AS HE NEARLY DID, MORE THAN ONCE, MANY TIMES MORE THAN ONCE. SO DON’T TELL HIM he doesn’t know because oh yes HE KNOWS or that he has no right because OH YES HE HAS THE RIGHT it just happens to be the only word that fully encapsulates the pain in one word. We are EXPANDING the language. As in to say this RAPE word is NOT EXCLUSIVE. It is neither my fault nor my advice to hang onto such a word as exclusive & fight when other people use it differently, especially if their different use is backed. REDUCED DOWN, YOUR PAIN IS NO DIFFERENT THAN MINE. So yes, it comes up in 44v1 and the artist had earlier talked about how he identifies the artist as being female. “Give her some credit will you,” he says in the Unthesis, and so, here in The Progression, you have the dark figure (the masses of society) raping the artist (always a she, give her some credit will you). So, having said all this, DO NOT BOTHER ME WITH WORDS LIKE YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT UNDERSTANDING MY SIDE OF THE STORY. THAT MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE I AM THE ONE CREATING IT.
I *really* dislike defending my art. But I’m willing to die in the battle for it. I *really* dislike proving my art. But I’m willing to express myself at all times for its truth. Bottom line: I’m sorry you have pain. If you are not interested in understanding mine then go on and close the book there are billions of other things for you to see and do not done by me.