The truth of all of it occurs when I reflect on being half of what she is, in terms of the artist & art. I am exactly half. Of her whole. The level I represent is 50% the level of hers. At fullest capacity, at “The Artist Henry,” I am still 50% less than she is, my mom is, as an artist. 100% of my inclination, talent, and if we are to believe a “gift” is involved, a gift for self-expression through tangible mediums comes from her lineage. Yet she represents half of my DNA. Thus, as you see, I am only half. From the start I recognize I’m already much less talented, gifted, and inclined than at least one, by a long shot–by half. Written & visual: half. Maybe not written, but she is still quite good. She might be double. I might be right there with her on that. Maybe surpassed but lets not assume. Visually & intellectually without a doubt half. The thing is she stopped the pursuit of 44 well over a decade ago when she began her iconography practice. And she never publicized or gave credit to the power of her words. Her paintings, though outstanding in concept, form, and technique, were and have been held privately. 50% less but I’ve made different choices. My choices might better fit my lessened skill. “Prolific,” Henry says, again & again. Maybe the word count will make up for the real lack of the other half, the other 50%. But what of the other 50%. How does it make me different, in a positive way? There is no doubt I am significantly visually inept in comparison. There is no question about it. Giving myself 50% in comparison is almost prideful because a single digit may represent what I’ve got. Vocabulary: 50% or less. I’m being nice to myself. I am incorporating aspirations (of studying the dictionary & syntax again). In a way all of this is to, kind of, apologize. I am not the real deal. If I am the real deal then damn, we let a realer deal pass right by us. I’m not hating on iconography. Tradition and technique is all I see in that practice though, and I don’t do either of those. Inspiration & abundance will be my attributes I guess. I think what I’m reflecting out loud is a coming to truth moment: “I am not the one.” I can’t be. I’m much too less of already one– however talented, inclined, and gifted she is, was, & will continue to be. So here we are. I have to work with what I’ve got. No kidding it’s a lot. Abundance in many forms. Perfect timing. Stability. Unpredictability. There’s hope on the horizon (the child). My 50% with her 50% (the poet) might recreate a version 3.0, and the real player deal closer may rise far beyond any of his or her predecessors, ahead of all successors, far far beyond them all carrying the flag higher & stronger than neither my mom nor I could ever have. If it doesn’t work out like that I believe it will have been by choice. Supported either way, always here, never there, forever & ever. I love you guys!
It’s the natural progression of things for an artist: to first create in the dark then find light. To find homes for their creations. In so far as MDN! is concerned, this described transition has occurred, from first to second, from darkness to light, for multiple pieces now in display. To both streamline & fuel the process of prolific creation we will open an intentional space where my public darkness is let known to the world as available, purchasable light.
A day after this entry I will have begun my day with coffee. I will feed the cats while the coffee brews. I will fix the automatic drinking cat waterfall by rinsing out the pump with hot water. I will pour the coffee into the cup then add half & half, into the cup. With fingers I will pinch out natural cane sugar and drop it into the cup. Out whither from this cup I will drink as I sit down before the HP & install WordPress into theunsanity.com, a domain I’ve held dark for years. I will play with the site. I will have set an intention to create the space where I let known to the public what original works of mine are for sale & for how much.
The day marked as this entry I will have gone to Goodwill. I will have picked up More Things. I will use These Things to create onto, into. Days later I will mark them for sale indefinitely until sold. & so on and so forth. It won’t stop here, neither there nor here will it stop, indefinitely, for as long as I shall live. My word has begun to be impeccable.
I forgive, myself.
someone, somwhere, perhaps here or not, is counting on you to rise, to continue, “despite it all…” and though they may leave you and never return, and though they may, it is up to you not them to continue for the need of the alleged. “When people say people are counting on you,” it means people are counting on you, somewhere, at least someone is, at least one, somewhere…allegedly. And when they say they care, and when they say, though if you do not hear it, though you may not be there, someone somewhere was and heard it, if not another than the sayer them-self, heard it through their voice or their head or maybe in the mirror out in front: not so much a “hello friend,” but a like, “i believe. you inspire me.” kind of thing, very powerful with periods and sharp ends with silence to follow and long stares absent of facial gesture in between. It’s so easy, if only they knew how to motivate.
A counter-productive, awful film absent of feeling, lacking in directing, and counter-useless to contemporary society. It has no place in this world. It is a sick twist of fruitless frames & poor intention. Does it even have an intention? What is it’s intention. The book is phenomenal. The book is a document. The book has power. The book is genuine and serves outstanding purpose. The movie is a sad example of so much wrong with the direction of our culture. The book is what it is. It is a historic document. The movie is a cover. To sell. To resell. To promote separation. To rewound. To captivate mediocrity. To negatively influence. To cause harm. To do nothing good. The film does nothing good. It neither does anything good nor is it directed, acted, or filmed good. It is not good. Examples such as this define the opposite of good. It has no place. It may be celebrated, as it would, but for the sake of all that is worthwhile this is beyond not worthwhile. It is anti-while. The book is brilliant, and significant. Though it is ruthless there is a magic to the document’s document: it retains its place in history, as being in the past. The movie however does not. It brings things artificially to the present. The movie was filmed a decade into the 21st century. Why are we creating things such as this! Why are we celebrating them! For fuck’s sake cast off this shit into oblivion. Read the book, burn the film. 0 out of 10. and shame on the director. and pity on the audience who sees anything of value.
& it might as well be the size of a warehouse. or the town of charlotte. or the carolina mountain acres. or the united states. the western hemisphere. or both hemispheres. the planet. and moon. the sun. even the solar system. even the galaxy. the galaxy cluster! the cluster of galaxy clusters! the universe! but though it has no limits in this way, in the feeling of its size, and of its importance, it is confined to a certain physical space, that is to say, everywhere not there is unsafe for the act of creation. everything not done in there is vulnerable to the attack. to the interruption. to the assault. to the resistance. to the demands. to the needs. to the everything not. here is the space but having the space sharply then defines non-space. and so you see, once the space has been made the other 99.99% space that you inhabit becomes no space. So by creating space you actually lessen space. The key there here then is to have no space, not even a walk-in closet, but “to adapt,” they say. That is, to be able to work & create under the pressures of others and their demands and their things & disrespect and fruitless entertainments & distractions and smart phones and cat videos. You may grow dizzy. You may fall ill. But in the process you adapt and retain the universe as yours though trying it always is regardless of the level of abundance. Where there are people there will be no hope for you. Neither this nor that, not the pounding drum nor the empty vibration emitting from an absent human captivated by mindless pleasures on their small screen simultaneously demanding so much. Click. Clank. Clock, hopeless.
“Brilliant!” Eduardo knows this film is genius. Clearly, a film for the contemporary. A film that falls under Henry’s flag of ‘Relevantism’, the self-titled successor to Post-Modernism. “Things are catching up,” and for the first time, that Eduardo has seen, mainstream shifts, before his eyes & ears. There it is. Just as we and he look and have looked into the doorway waiting for the arrival of relevancy and waited & waited it has appeared. It is here. This film is proof. It is proof of all the things. It is relevance perfect contemporary sex education & STD prevention film. It is all right there, it follows but how many see it for what it is? Does it even matter if it’s seen for that? The subliminal message is strong enough. And the soundtrack is brilliant too. Brilliance and Relevance are this film’s winning combination. I give it 9.5/10. It has been docked .5 for the lack of “ABSTINENCE,” message at close.
You’ve given me something to think about. I feel the need to go dark for a while. I’ve got to reflect. I need to be alone for some time. I need space. I feel like this question mark I’ve seen in my dreams. For moments there, though I knew an out there existed, there was nothing more to the things said & done publicly, internetically. As in the moment of creation & its broadcast are or were one, me putting it out there for me to consume. All things returning. This being a sole enterprise. But now there are others. It’s not just me anymore. And I don’t know how to handle this. Like I said I need to reflect. I need to go dark. Just for a while. Just for a. Just for. Just.
To know more,
to no more.