We give one thing. Time for example. We give time to something or someone. Is this then understood we are also taking away time from someone or something? The thing we to which are not giving time? Where are we? I’d say the more time we give to ourselves the less time we give to others, and as they say (and is true), “the more you give (to others) the more you get (for self),” which then makes it clear there are specific things we need to avoid. 1Excess sleep for example. Excess sleep is selfish time spent for the self. Excess sleep is a clear fuck you to all the things and all the someones out there. All that time you could have given away. All that time you took for your self, excessively so, sleeping on the job of being alive. And hey I’m talking / writing to my self right now about the way I still fall into excessive sleep. That much is clear, that much is clear yes but when will the words rain. 7There must be inner-conflict. And there is! I am completely concerned with how I am giving my time to the world. The rate at which I need to improve is high but the actual rate of improvement is low. There isn’t much time at all. I fear. I fear time. I fear time all the time. I fear the way habits exist and continue to exist. I fear the way we fail and are prone to mistakes and errors and bad first impressions. I fear the way we limit ourselves. I fear the way we lose sight of all the treasure and wealth around us. I fear the way fear makes me feel and fear fear. But like Joy says nothing makes you feel; on the contrary, you choose to feel the way you feel! Allegedly! But that son of a bitch fear certainly has a clever way of taking over, has a clear way of hi jacking your drivers seat, has a way of driving under the red influence of #b2060c, and has a way of scaring the shit out of all the passengers: you and all who are dependent upon on you (which for some is the entire world!). And look here we get stuck between walls of ambition and reality, and we get stuck between perspectives of non-existent imaginings & the one we have of our self, and we get stuck and get still and become still vibrating to the involuntary shake of being just so damn scared all the time of all the possibilities and all the ways and choices, decisions and time, discovery and 3iving.
I’m sorry I have to go poop
And where to begin. Where will it end? The course of MDN! heads forward. Though we anticipate life-changes soon. MDN! will change with it. The head will stay forward. It will remain steadfast as we integrate & assimilate with general population, as we “lead the life of normalcy” and produce a sober, abundant kind of prolific unnormalcy in the art of our self-expression. And as we work alongside general population, as we type on the keys they type, and sit on the chairs they sit, and have eyes eavesdropping into our local production of public transparency on the world’s greatest stage–like tiny flashlights putting hardly noticeable dots of light onto the stage we’ve been toiling at for so long. And so what for everything? What of the Visual Progression & the what-nots? The backordered items backlining the outside back layer of my mind. What of the remnants? Of the pasts & the what-nots? Of 447s.com? Of The Network? What have I been doing? Why has there been a lull here. Have I been active? What is Operation Monarch Raven? Will 3nglish ever be released? And such? And things? To settle the score and achieve relief, officially, my activity level is on path for prolific production. A good majority of it has been local & yet to go public, though all of it will in time. As far as this project goes: the deadlines are good & the accountability piece helps, but the content itself I think is not right for this medium. And what for these words & to where is their purpose? It doesn’t seem like they are supposed to end here, on this page. Or maybe it does end. Maybe this will be the last of the last, a conclusion to the experiment held in suspension for all to see for all of time.
* * *
And who is to say–or not say– or even think! all of this thus far, this as in to mean all or everything done up to this point in SST, is just the PREFACE to the grand work coming! A day or less ago I considered why vehicles and such shatter when the train impacts–the train being a slow moving, relentless type, not one blatantly to suspect of such power & momentum, especially head on or facing 4w4rd, one realistically would never think nor consider, not even contemplate the magnitude of what is behind it, what was said before it, “pre-And.” And what of the train’s successor? And that of that’s successor? Where does it end? Where does it begin? Did it have an end? Will it have a beginning? Where are we. What is the real context of things. Can it be established? Will it be? How?